Starting School - Are black children ready?

The start of the autumn term this week will represent the dawning of a new era in our household. For never have we as parents experienced school life from this side of the gates, nor has our little munchkin been thrown into this sort of battlefield before. Of course there was nursery before this but never before have we committed our child, for the next 7 years, to an institution we have to trust will prepare him for the future.

I'm experiencing all the worries most other parents across Britain will be experiencing about now;

Will he like school dinners; will he remember to untuck his polo shirt from under his pants after using the toilet; will he wash his hands thoroughly enough; how will the teacher respond if he doesn't listen first time; should he be able to write sentences by now; what if he hurts another child in boisterous excitement; what if he can't quite find the left arm outlet on his PE t-shirt? All matters I continue to ponder and have pondered for weeks now without arriving at a single sensible or comforting answer.

For parents of black children, there's an added plethora of worries and unanswered questions. Will your child encounter racism; will the teacher and/or the school's expectation for your child be low; will he be perceived to be too boisterous; will there be negative assumptions made about his home environment and background; will his achievements on the track or field take prominence over his academic efforts?

The fact is until your child enters the "battle field" you simply don't know the answers to any of these questions. However you ought to know that even in 2014 these racial stereotypes do exist. 

Knowing it is not enough. This sort of typecasting needs to be unravelled. Now, I'm not on about marching on the school with your right arm raised and your hand in a fist, with your afro adorned by an afro comb.

I'm on about breaking down these stereotypes on a daily basis. I for one will ensure my child doesn't fall into these stereotypes in these ways;

1. Be on time, every time, if not early. Whether it's drop off or pick up time, PTA meeting or sports day. Tardiness gives the impression of disorganised parents and therefore a disorganised household. If your child is perceived as coming from a disorderly home, he maybe let off lightly for not doing his homework or being unprepared in some other way. The setting in of low expectations could be detrimental to your child's future because the child learns that there's no real consequences to missing deadlines or failing to meet expectations.

2. Actively managing my child's behaviour.

If a child likes to play fight and perhaps gets a bit rough, it's time to curb your child's behaviour and let them know there is a time and place for boisterous play and excessively loud dinosaur roars. This avoids the child being labeled on day one.

3. Work with teachers so that they understand you take your child's education seriously. I will be telling teachers that I don't reward mediocrity and actions do have consequences at home. I want teachers to know I will support rather than fight them if my child has behaved inappropriately or broken well understood rules.

4. Keep up to date with school rules, events and plans.

I want to have an active involvement with the school, so that I have inside knowledge about how my child is being taught and managed. The more involved I can be, the more seriously I will be taken if or when I challenge things. So here's to joining the PTA and volunteering on Sports days and school trips.

5. Be prepared to speak up

I will be that parent that wants to speak to the teacher after school regularly, because I want to ask about the odd little things my child might mention in passing. The things that are easy to ignore. The kind we tend to put down to a young child not fully understanding a situation or context. Actually it is exactly these types of comments or small incidents which build up and eat away at a child's confidence, without your knowledge. I never want to be in the awful situation where I discover bullying has been ongoing for months and I've been oblivious. Equally, provided there is a genuine case for it, I will challenge any 'pigeon holing' at play which may be restricting my child's  potential.

Parents of black children need to "sweat the small stuff" to ensure their child is being held to the same standards as all other children. Leave no room for negative assumptions to be made about your child. And challenge any excuses made for not rigorously challenging your child. School is after all the first taste of the real world. If a child doesn't learn to respond to or deal with challenges here, how can we hope for them to be even remotely successful in whatever career choices they make in the future. 

Regardless of your child's ethnicity, it is a parents job to ensure a child gets the most and the best out of their education. Prepare them in every way.

7 Natural Hair Styles for Brides

So wedding season is upon us and I love a good wedding! To be honest, I think I'd love a bad one too. When I opened a wedding invite recently, my thoughts immediately turned to what natural hairstyles I could rock on the day and of course what to wear. But hang on, this is not about me, it's about the bride - a natural bride. With that in mind (the bride that is) I gathered some Natural Bridal hairstyles I would be proud to wear. I hope these will inspire some natural brides out there.

I love the apparent simplicity of this style. The look could of course be complimented by a veil if you are that way inclined or some sparkly pins or clips.

Simple & Chic.We don't often see loose and free hair styles for weddings, but this style certainly has me inspired. Go super sparkly with that tiara or band to make your statement as Natural bride.

TWA at it's best! This style has inspired me to accessories a TWA with pretty accessories just like this band. A clever alternative to the sparkles we usually associate with all things wedding and bridal.

Glam Locs! I love that these locs are so loosely and simply styled with just the addition of a fascinator to complete the look and transform it into a Bridal hair.

The beauty lies in the simplicity of this look. If you have the length go for it and accessorise with a tiara or sparkly band. If you don't have a the length, the style can be achieved with some braiding style hair extensions.

This braided style is a great way to keep hair intact all day. It neat and tidy and works perfectly with our wit out braiding extensions depending on your hair length. You can add as much volume as you like with extension. If you go for a bun at the back, it's the perfect protective bridal hair style

The perfect way to accessorise a braided hair style for your big day.

Which of these styles would you wear for your wedding?

5 Natural Hairstyles for the Office

One of the challenges a natural will face on their journey is adapting your hairstyle for the office. I often feel my hair ambition is to wear it free and unrestricted. By this I mean twist outs, braid outs, wash and go styles etc. However on a Sunday night I find I have to give some thought to the work appropriate, professional look. 

A big, bouncy, curly Afro is beautiful and will win you some compliments from the trendy corner of the office, but in most offices, it probably won't go down so well with your boss. Just as you will have a 'work wardrobe', as naturals we really ought to have a selection of professional hair styles appropriate for the office. Most of the styles I've chosen here happen to be protective too, which is an added bonus! Here are 5 of my current favourite corporate styles.

I love this look, mostly because I really like a hairstyle with height at the front. Get your parting neat and clean and have your gel and bobby pins handy.

This style will get you through the week quite nicely. A little complicated for my limited skill set so it would mean a trip to the hair dressers for me, but well worth it as it's neat, tidy and protective. The loose twists at the top can be restyled in a different way. You could also add extensions to accentuate the volume and /or height at the front, giving you more styling options.

This is a great style that will transcend easily from day to night. Tone down the make up and wear with more subtle earrings for the office.

I like the loose but tidy twist at the front on this style.

Yes a TWA can be worn in a professional environment. Tame those edges, add some texture and grab your laptop!


What do you think of these styles? Which ones would you wear for work?

Strictly £100 + Topshop Sale = RESULT!

The Topshop Sale is on NOW so I thought I'd do a £100 budget challenge. I found a lot of the Sale items are from their Winter collections. However there quite a number of items which will transcend into Spring and Summer. So armed with a mere £100  (actually I spent £102 in the end), these made the cut! 

Couldn't resist a bodycon dress, especially in this lovely emerald green colour.Think black strappy heels or scandals and gold statement jewellery. Here's the really good bit - Its only £15!!

I've been in search of an alternative Gym bag for sometime now. This one answers all my prayers. Topshop have described it on their website as a Luggage bag but it suits me perfectly for carrying all my gym stuff. Opens by zip across the top and feels a bit like a Mary Poppins bag as I seem to be able to just keep throwing stuff in there! £15

A clutch is everything this Spring and I love this caramel number from Topshop. It's quilted and its 100% genuine leather! Can't believe it's only £15. It also come in a pastel pink and blue - they too are only £15. With that £100 limit in mind, I really can't have the other 2 as well, however tempting.

This Cream leather belt is a amazing at £7. 100% genuine leather. I'd wear it with a plain back jumpsuit as on the Topshop website or to brighten up dark florals from your Autumn/Winter wardrobe.

I'll start by saying the Midi length on this beautiful sequinned dress worries me a bit. Midi length can be a difficult one to wear. Personally, I'm going a little radical with this one - I'm having it taken up so that it falls just over the knee and I'll wear it with strappy scandals or heels for a summer party. Its been reduced from £59 to £30 and its by TFNC at Topshop.

I have long been obsessed with monochrome and there are no signs of my love diminishing.  This Black & White PU skirt is £20. I love the checks, the diagonal zip and that hint of extra length is genius. I'd wear it with a plain white tee tucked in and some black heels, add statement necklace and large clutch. 

Happy Shopping my fellow clothes lovers

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5 Natural Hair Quotes I love

I love reading natural hair quotes. I find that they range from motivational and inspirational to illustrating plain and simple truth. Of course there are the ridiculous which only serve to to deter people from exploring Natural hair. Naturally the latter will be given no air play here. These are a few I'm really into right now..

How often have you heard people say this? I know I said it through out my transition. We seem to forget we are natural at birth and for many years after, so we are in fact returning to Natural hair and not trying it out for the first time

Ironically, hair is under more stress when Relaxed than when natural. Of course, over styling your natural hair will cause stress, but when you truly embrace your natural hair, styling and management are no longer stressful because you know what works for you and your hair. And if you've been doing it a while or are a quick learner, you probably have a few go to hair styles you can rely on. This quote says it all

Any Mother worth her title (Mother) knows that amongst many other responsibilities to her children, she must be a role model to them. For mothers who have daughters, that responsibility flows through to how you carry yourself and indeed how look. Ultimately you are role modelling self love

Natural hair is definitely trending in a big way right now. I've even called it a renaissance in a previous post. However I do think there is a significant slice of the Team Natural population who have embraced their natural hair because its really trendy at the moment. I would like to think most Naturals are about that renaissance rather than the trend and I hope most of us stay Team Natural forever. 

I love this quote! It really tackles what now seems to me like an absurd thing to say "not for everyone". Other non black cultures rarely embark on a lifelong commitment to change the structure and pattern of their hair in an effort to conform, fit in or 'be beautiful'. 

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy these quotes

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7 Last Minute Mother's Day Gift Ideas under 70!

1. For the Working Mum

This Ted Baker Pale Green/Mint Ipad case will add a splash of Spring colour to work wear or off duty chic. £35 at ASOS

                       

  

2. For Glam Mum

I love this bag – it’s made from real leather, it comes in this pastel pink colour, I love the satchel style shape. All this for just £60 at Accessoryo.com. AMAZING!

3. Another For The Glam Mum

All mums need a clutch for when they’re off Mummy duties and this one from Accessoryo.com is just lush. The Gold and bronze metallic colour screams date night. it has been featured in Vogue and it’s only £29.99!

                              

4. The Trendy Mum

 I love this sophisticated Floral pixelated Blazer from New Look. Mother’s day lunch with white jeans or trousers would work very well indeed. £29.99 at New Look

5.  Mum on the school run

This is Britain – so rain is never far and all mums on the school run need a coat with rain resistant head gear – the hoodie! This quilted one from new look is £29.99. It also comes in black but the navy version is just chic.

                       

6.  For Mums who love shoes

for when the weather cheers up these leather wedge sandals from Dune are great for casual (with dark or light jeans) or work wear (with a midi pleated skirt, perhaps a white one). The combination of of colours will work well for Spring. On Sale now at House of Fraser at £60

7. The relaxing Mum

If nothing else in any mum’s wardrobe says relaxation, it’s the dressing gown. This Charcoal coloured Calvin Kiein number is made from soft jersey material with a satin trim. £55 at Selfridges

                    

Embrace it & Move on

Since my first post about a week ago, I have been asked what pushed me to ‘the brink’ in the first place. So I guess I’m having to explore some ‘issues’. I think there are 2 main reasons why I considered a return to relaxer.

1. Ease of styling & management – I was absolutely convinced that my hair would be easier to manage on a day to day basis. So rather than spend 30mins to an hour twisting or otherwise preparing my hair for tomorrow’s style, with a relaxer I could just wrap and hit the pillow. I also felt I could be more spontaneous with my styling. If I fancied a different style in the morning I could just flat iron into the desired style, in minutes. I would still conclude today that relaxed hair is easier to manage on a day to day basis, but it is high maintenance in a different way. When my hair was relaxed I would be at the hair dressers every 2 -3 weeks for a moisture infusing treatment, necessary to keep relaxed hair adequately moisturised to avoid breakage and that limp lack luster look.

2. The more acceptable, neat, tidy look – this is very much the vulnerability that the hair industry preys on. We have long been taught that a ‘well put together’ look is always topped with straight, sleek hair. While I do enjoy a straight look occasionally, it really isn’t worth the time, money and health risks associated with a relaxer. There are many neat, tidy and red carpet ready natural hair styles. We just don’t see them often, although the tide is certainly turning. From banks to furniture retailers, black hair in it’s natural state is being featured in a TV ad near you. I am really enjoying this natural black hair renaissance we are currently in and seeing images of naturall girls and women on TV is really encouraging. It reassures the most reluctant naturals it’s ok to ‘go with the fro’. Personally, the more of these images I see, the more confident I am about wearing my hair in its natural state and basking in the glory of my growing afro.

I wanted desperately to return to relaxed hair so that I wouldn’t stand out at work or in a social context. I rightly thought (at the risk of sounding dramatic), I would be judged just because my hair was different. And I have had people wanting to touch my hair because it’s ‘so different’. Some people react positively to my natural hair and others are confused as to why I won’t relax or straighten it in some way.

I am a natural because it’s who I am. 

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To The Brink of Creamy Crack and Back!

Just a few short months ago, I gave serious consideration to having my hair relaxed. Something I now call a ''dark moment''’ in my natural hair journey. After “transitioning” for about 9 months 5 years ago, I very nearly cracked!

Despite going natural all those years ago, I was a reluctant Naturalista for years! I was very proud to tell people my hair was natural, while they inspected closely, mostly in disbelief because it was always straight. I had such a high dependency on my beloved GHDs that I never ever washed my hair unless it was going to end with a GHD straightening session – it was just part of the process! In fact, if ever the unmentionable happened (GHDs gave up and broke one day), I don’t think I’d have gone to work, to local shop or even answered the door to the postman – unless he was delivering  a Package from GHD.

I found a new addiction in these

I knew nothing....

In the early days of my transitioning process, I loved my ‘new’ natural hair. I could clearly see how much healthier, thicker and stronger it was than my chemically treated / relaxed hair. This was all very well but I really didn’t know how to style or manage my own hair in its natural state. It was my near miss with returning to creamy crack that caused me to realise that I really hadn’t done much research on managing and styling my natural hair. I knew I had to stop the relaxers but I didn’t know what to do next except for wash, condition, blow dry and you guessed it - straighten.  Let’s just say in a pub style quiz with questions like what does TWA stand for,  what is co-washing, what is protective styling,  you wouldn’t have picked me to complete your Naturalista team. Yes I was that bad!

I came so close to relaxing my hair that I popped into my hairdressing salon and had THE CHAT with my hairdresser, booked the appointment and made the necessary childcare arrangements. My hair dresser, who has looked after my hair for years and seen it through pixie crops, colours , relaxers and the transition from relaxed to natural seemed somewhat underwhelmed by my decision to return to the creamy crack. But I was stubborn, steadfast in my new commitment to make my hair ‘more manageable’.

Angry Determination....

So now I had everything in place, 2 days before the big day my husband stuck his oar in! Something about letting myself down and giving up on 5 years of embracing my true self, how the quality of my hair was about to take a nose dive.  *sigh* There are no words to express how angry I was with him. How dare he tell me what to do with the hair on MY head!? Really! Now I was really determined. Armed with angry determination, I wasn’t just going for a relaxer anymore, now I was adding cut and highlights! No scrap that a full head of colour – maybe blonde!

The light bulb moment....

As night fell and I was getting closer to THE day, I thought about my journey and revisited why I went natural in the first place. I thought about my daughter and how she’d one day ask to have her hair relaxed and I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on with my progressively thinning, chemical dependant, but straight hair (anyone else ever wondered why it’s called ‘relaxer?). And then as if the universe was conspiring against my return to the creamy crack, as I casually browsed Facebook, I came across an article a (natural) friend had posted. It was about the black hair industry and how natural hair is perceived by women in Nigeria. The article revealed nothing I hadn’t heard before but it struck a cord when I realised the scale of the industrial size effort to disguise, change or ‘make better’ hair of African origin, not just in Africa but all over the world. It’s a sad day when you hear or read about the boom in Brazilian or Peruvian hair particularly in Africa or the large scale, world- wide  problem of ignorance about the dangers of the chemicals in relaxers, particularly when used as regularly as 6 – 8 times a year as we do.

So… on that sad note, my appointment at the hair dressers changed from relaxer to a red-brown colour and trim. Of course I had it straightened! With all that professional equipment and skill around, I just had to. As a one off, of course!

Now I have a go-to protective style (2 flat twist connecting seamlessly at the back of my head), I have yet to see my best twist out, but I'm getting there and I continue to experiment with a wash and go although I’m still working on perfecting that.

And that my friends, is the story of my rebirth as a Naturalista.

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