The start of the autumn term this week will represent the dawning of a new era in our household. For never have we as parents experienced school life from this side of the gates, nor has our little munchkin been thrown into this sort of battlefield before. Of course there was nursery before this but never before have we committed our child, for the next 7 years, to an institution we have to trust will prepare him for the future.
I'm experiencing all the worries most other parents across Britain will be experiencing about now;
Will he like school dinners; will he remember to untuck his polo shirt from under his pants after using the toilet; will he wash his hands thoroughly enough; how will the teacher respond if he doesn't listen first time; should he be able to write sentences by now; what if he hurts another child in boisterous excitement; what if he can't quite find the left arm outlet on his PE t-shirt? All matters I continue to ponder and have pondered for weeks now without arriving at a single sensible or comforting answer.
For parents of black children, there's an added plethora of worries and unanswered questions. Will your child encounter racism; will the teacher and/or the school's expectation for your child be low; will he be perceived to be too boisterous; will there be negative assumptions made about his home environment and background; will his achievements on the track or field take prominence over his academic efforts?
The fact is until your child enters the "battle field" you simply don't know the answers to any of these questions. However you ought to know that even in 2014 these racial stereotypes do exist.
Knowing it is not enough. This sort of typecasting needs to be unravelled. Now, I'm not on about marching on the school with your right arm raised and your hand in a fist, with your afro adorned by an afro comb.
I'm on about breaking down these stereotypes on a daily basis. I for one will ensure my child doesn't fall into these stereotypes in these ways;
1. Be on time, every time, if not early. Whether it's drop off or pick up time, PTA meeting or sports day. Tardiness gives the impression of disorganised parents and therefore a disorganised household. If your child is perceived as coming from a disorderly home, he maybe let off lightly for not doing his homework or being unprepared in some other way. The setting in of low expectations could be detrimental to your child's future because the child learns that there's no real consequences to missing deadlines or failing to meet expectations.
2. Actively managing my child's behaviour.
If a child likes to play fight and perhaps gets a bit rough, it's time to curb your child's behaviour and let them know there is a time and place for boisterous play and excessively loud dinosaur roars. This avoids the child being labeled on day one.
3. Work with teachers so that they understand you take your child's education seriously. I will be telling teachers that I don't reward mediocrity and actions do have consequences at home. I want teachers to know I will support rather than fight them if my child has behaved inappropriately or broken well understood rules.
4. Keep up to date with school rules, events and plans.
I want to have an active involvement with the school, so that I have inside knowledge about how my child is being taught and managed. The more involved I can be, the more seriously I will be taken if or when I challenge things. So here's to joining the PTA and volunteering on Sports days and school trips.
5. Be prepared to speak up
I will be that parent that wants to speak to the teacher after school regularly, because I want to ask about the odd little things my child might mention in passing. The things that are easy to ignore. The kind we tend to put down to a young child not fully understanding a situation or context. Actually it is exactly these types of comments or small incidents which build up and eat away at a child's confidence, without your knowledge. I never want to be in the awful situation where I discover bullying has been ongoing for months and I've been oblivious. Equally, provided there is a genuine case for it, I will challenge any 'pigeon holing' at play which may be restricting my child's potential.
Parents of black children need to "sweat the small stuff" to ensure their child is being held to the same standards as all other children. Leave no room for negative assumptions to be made about your child. And challenge any excuses made for not rigorously challenging your child. School is after all the first taste of the real world. If a child doesn't learn to respond to or deal with challenges here, how can we hope for them to be even remotely successful in whatever career choices they make in the future.
Regardless of your child's ethnicity, it is a parents job to ensure a child gets the most and the best out of their education. Prepare them in every way.
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